Do I have a case for spousal neglect?
I am wondering, because I don't feel cherished by my spouse. Actually, I barely feel acknowledged most days. I'm way at the bottom of his priorities. Definitely below work, definitely below sleep, definitely below video games, probably below kids. I'm glad he plays with the kids. I'm glad if I leave there's a good chance they'll still have a father in their lives.
This week has been hard particularly because it's always hard when I'm home. It's the end of December and I have two weeks off work (because I work at a school). Being home reminds me how little contact I actually have with him. He's worked from home most days this week. Monday, he woke up in the middle of the night and started working. He had got 4 hours in before I even woke up. Stupid me, I was excited when he told me. I thought that meant he'd finish in another four hours and then celebrate my first day of break with me. No. He meant he'd say he was going to return the rotten potatoes to Sam's Club for his lunch break, but actually forget the potatoes, buy lunch at Sam's (we had food here...so why?), get the three things I asked him to pick up (diapers, rice, and chicken) and then play Pokemon Go for two hours. I expressed my disappointment when he got home, explaining I had hope he would have time for us today. He was like what? I planned to sleep! I need to sleep. I said, well, maybe after you took a nap though. It didn't matter, because he worked till like 5:30 (his normal time to get off), then wasn't tired, and ignored me the rest of the night. I think he played more Pokemon Go. I don't remember. This whole week is a blur of me imagining he'll talk to me, see me, look at me...and then being disappointed.
On Tuesday night (after another disappointment), I tried really hard to express how sad I was that I wasn't seeing him at all on my break without screaming. It was really late though. He said "oh, well you just needed to tell me! Of course I can make time to see you, I just needed to know that's what you wanted." I'm not sure how marrying him doesn't qualify as saying "hey, I'd like to see you every day for the rest of my life," but whatever. I set myself up again. And was disappointed again.
Wednesday, he promised he'd try to get off earlier. He got off at the same time as usual, around 5:30. He came up wondering if we could play a game. I thought that sounded nice, but needed to make dinner, so I told him when it would be ready and asked him to bring it in. He ended up caring for the kids while I cooked, and the game lay abandoned. We ate. Then a Jigglypuff appeared in his notifications and he asked if he could take Molly and go get it. I said Molly needed to go to bed, and he should just go and hurry back. He asked again to take one kid, and I said no, just go. I was pissed obviously, because he had promised to try harder that day but JIGGLYPUFF. So I told him, just GO. Next time I called his name he was gone, he didn't even say bye. Whatever. I put the kids to bed by myself. He came home at like 11pm, and wrapped presents with me. "Isn't this nice? I'm not neglecting you, I'm doing something with you." Oh, yes, this is nice, I love staying up all night wrapping presents while you whine and ask why we don't have more bags. Whatever.
Today is Thursday. My kids threw up, peed, pooped, all of the bodily functions all over. It was a lot. When Chris got off work (at 5:30) he said he hadn't eaten lunch and was looking forward to our traditional Thursday night pizza night. I said I wouldn't bring Roger to a buffet when he was throwing up and so sick. He could go if he wanted. Instead he suggested Costco Pizza - said he'd pick it up. Asked me to call it in, because he's...incapable. Whatever. So I called it in and texted him it's be ready between 6:20 and 6:30. He had left at 6:00. At 6:40 I called and at 7:00 I texted and at 7:30 I gave up on him ever responding. At 7:50 he finally came home with cold pizza. Costco is like 15 minutes from our house. I screamed at him when he came home. I don't like cold food, he knows I don't. I regret asking him to do anything. I regret marrying him. I hate him. He had his sim card in my broken phone and couldn't receive my calls or texts but that doesn't mean he should take 2 hours to pick up pizza. Now he wants me to go watch a movie because he's "sorry." But he's said sorry every night, and done the same thing to me every day.
I don't like being married to him. I'm staying because I don't want to screw up my kids' chance at an intact family, but I don't know if I can keep staying. I spend most of my evenings trying to busy myself so I don't feel neglected. And cooking us dinner, doing all our dishes, cleaning our house, paying our bills. He promises to help and then he doesn't do it for 4 days and I end up doing whatever he promised to do when it's so long overdue it's disgusting. I resent him. But I pretend and try and act like it's all fine. It isn't fine.
